Tempur Foam Mattress Obeys Law of Gravity

Massachusetts Institute of Technology - Cambridge,MA

    Today MIT, Department of Materials Science and Engineering in conjunction with the US Department of Truth In Advertising released the results of an intensive study regarding advertising claims that the new Tempur foam mattresses "defy the law of gravity".  This study was conducted with a grant from NASA totaling thirty million dollars.  According to NASA officials, " these commercials claim this material was developed by NASA", he continued " we spend countless millions trying to overcome gravity on each space launch."

    Six months of exhaustive testing has proven that the space age foam mattress seems to be obeying the law of gravity in all aspects.  Officials indicated that levitation would have to be somehow involved.  Clinical researcher, Dr. Felix VonBraun stated " we conducted studies with hundreds of volunteers and in each case the participant actually sank into the mattress rather that floated above".  A second hypothesis was investigated that perhaps the mattress actually floated.  Three months of observation with both paid scientist and video monitoring, indicated that the mattress remained soundly within the Milano Panel Bed frame, constructed of kiln dried Tropical Mahogany wood to assure strength and longevity
 

NASA official commenting on a thirty million dollar grant to study the Tempur Mattress, " thirty million would be quite a bargain if we could unlock the secret of gravity".  He further indicated that the study was not a complete wash as both the bed an mattress will be installed in the space station when shuttle flight resume this summer.  A former astronaut who requested that his name not be used stated that, " it's a shame that I had to sleep strapped to a wall, these new pansies that we call astronauts are just too soft".